An antidote for failing your New Year's resolutions
You are not set up for failure, you just don’t know how to do it right.
Many people set New Year's resolutions on the eve of when Earth completes another full circle around the sun. And well, 90% of them quit in the first two months.
Why is that? Truth be told, all of them fail to do a few things. Firstly to reach the stage where a habit forms. Simplified, when you start doing things on automatic.
Secondly, they fuel themselves up with motivation.
And lastly, they don’t break down the goal.
Journey to nowhere
You wake up feeling pumped, ready to rock this new year. Sit down, scribble a few major goals and get on with your day. 10 pm rolls around, a new alarm for 6 am is set, and a good start is done.
The first morning feels amazing. You can feel the motivation coursing through your veins, a balanced nutritious breakfast, a quick 1-hour gym session or a 5km run, super motivated work day.
A few weeks pass, motivation is about 50%. You hear that irritating, high-pitched alarm, a little annoyed, you still roll out of bed, make a not-so-nutritious breakfast, hit a 30-minute gym session or a 3 km run, and then you drive to work a little grumpy.
The first month strikes the clock. By this time, you thought you’d be rocking this new lifestyle. All I can see is you bringing back your old habits. Waking up at 8 am, scrolling on social media for a good measure of your morning, slapping some cheese on a piece of bread, drinking a cup of overly sweetened coffee. But where are your set goals? After a month, your goals are in the trash. That’s where they are.
What’s wrong
It looked easier than it was. What happened? As I said, using motivation as fuel and quitting before building a habit, sets you up for failure.
So, let me help you to actually reach your goals and start a new lifestyle.
How long does it take to form a habit? It depends on the person and on the goal you’re trying to reach. It varies from 18 days to 254 days. But for it to become an automatic movement and not a conscious action, on average it takes about 66 days.
But that’s nothing if you’re relying on motivation. Discipline is the tool you need. Discipline is when you do it whether you want it to or not. Discipline is when you do it motivated and when you do it unmotivated. When you do it because you know that in the long run, it will benefit you more. See the difference?
A few steps
Ok, but how do you discipline yourself?
(1) Set goals, (2) break them down, (3) set deadlines(this is a must!), (4) Prioritise Tasks, (5) build a routine, (6) minimise distractions, (7) track your progress, (8) set a reward system, (9) surround yourself with people who encourage you.
Goals have to be adequate, hard, but with a chance to reach them. Don’t set a goal to learn Chinese in a month. Only a few out of billions are going to be able to do that.
Imagine
(1) Set clear goals. For example: “Read 50 books by the end of this year”.
(2) Read 4 books a week, dedicate 1 hour before sleep for reading.
(3) Until the end of June, I have to read 25 books.
(4) Instead of binge-watching a show (that you know you can watch on the weekend), read.
(5) Every day at 8 pm. read for an hour or two.
(6) Put your phone on “do not disturb mode”, if noises are distracting you, put on headphones.
(7) Journaling is a great way to track progress. Write what you liked and disliked about the book, how it made you feel.
(8) When you read 10 books, get a sweet treat or a hair appointment. Something that will make you happy.
(9) This one is a bit hard, but trust me, it is soo important. Stop interacting with people who have a bad influence on you. Surround yourself with those that you can look up to and trust.
Self-care
Even if you do fail, don’t stop. Learn from your mistakes, note them, change your routine up a bit and restart. Failure is nothing to be ashamed of. Take it as a lesson, as an opportunity to get better. Everybody fails at some point in our lives, and it’s up to us what we’re going to do about it.
If you want to achieve something in your life, you’ll have to do it yourself. No one is going to serve you anything on a silver platter. Hard work pays off, sooner or later.
Take responsibility of your mistakes, achievements, goals and actions.
Most importantly, don’t feel obliged to set goals. If everybody around you is doing it, doesn’t mean you should and that it’s going to work for you.
Find something you’ll be able to stick to. Something that you’ll love.
End of the line
In the end, motivation can spark a fire, but discipline is what will actually make it burn for a long time. Don’t let that fire in you burn out. Keep it alive. Keep it flaming.
The only person who sees all of your mistakes, achievements, ups and downs, smiles and cries, is you. Make yourself proud. Do it the right way, not the easy way.
Make small steps, find your way, and do it for you. Learn to love your journey.
“You might be tempted to avoid the messiness of daily living for the tranquillity of stillness and peacefulness. This of course would be an attachment to stillness, and like any strong attachment, it leads to delusion. It arrests development and short-circuits the cultivation of wisdom.” - Jon Kabat-Zinn
