Is EQ really that important in personal life?
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand and manage your emotions and be aware of others' feelings.
Analyse yourself: How many times have you lashed out at other people? How many times have you wished you could take it back? Or perhaps you've felt sad without knowing why. That, my friend, is a lack of emotional intelligence.
Let’s dive into it.
The four pillars
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand and manage your emotions and be aware of others' feelings. While we can’t manage other’s emotions, we can certainly understand them better.
The four main points of EQ: (1) self-awareness - you are able to recognise your emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviour, (2) self-regulation - the ability to control your emotions, (3)social awareness - understanding other people’s emotions, wants and needs, picking up on emotional cues, (4)empathy - being aware of other’s emotions.
(1) You recognise your anger, how it says to tell other people to piss off and give them the bird.
(2) Instead you take a deep breath, stop for 10 seconds, think rationally, let them know what caused those feelings.
(3) When you get an answer, because that’s how a conversation goes, listen and most importantly understand.
(4) Let them know that you validate their feelings.
It matters
Why is it so important? Well, it affects a lot of aspects in your life. For example, your performance at work. EQ is an invaluable tool in dealing with stress. As you probably know, it affects your physical well-being. Emotionally intelligent people tend to motivate others.
So, who wouldn’t want a dumbass that has their shit together in their workplace?
Talking about stress - this little guy affects not only your body, but your mental health too. Maybe not so little anymore.
Last but not least, relationships. By understanding your emotions, you are able to express them. Which leads to better communication with your colleagues, friends, family, and partner.
The journey
Just because you lack it, doesn’t mean it’s entirely your fault. If throughout your entire childhood you’ve been forced to suppress your feelings, how do you expect to express them, let alone understand them?
Sometimes, our feelings are like little compasses, guiding us through life. For example: feeling angry at someone doesn’t mean you’re grumpy, someone did you wrong. Those chemicals reactions in your brain are giving you a signal.
Take little steps. Firstly, let your emotions in. Don’t be scared of them. Just because they’re not that rational, doesn’t make them invalid. Learn to separate them.
Meditation is a great tool for mindfulness. 15 minutes a day is a huge step towards emotional intelligence.
I just want to make sure, that you know it’s a long journey. It can take up from a week to a few months until you start seeing change. But try to focus on longterm gratification and everything will be just fine. If it takes longer, don’t worry, it is not the end of the world.
Daily practise
If you would be able to communicate better, manage your stress levels, and understand people surrounding you better, why wouldn’t you want that?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Here’s a few easy tips on how you can practise emotional intelligence:
Before reacting based on your emotions, stop, think and answer these questions:
What was it that caused this emotion? How do you actually feel about this? How can you properly express yourself?
Listen to those around you. Try to catch on to emotional cues. Their voice tone, word choice, facial expressions, body language. Often people reveal more through how they act than how they speak.
If catching on to emotional cues is not really your thing, communicate. Ask them. Sometimes, all a person needs is confrontation.
When they do answer your questions, validate their feelings. Even if you don’t agree with them. Try to see things through their point of view. Practise empathy.
As the saying goes
Before summing up, even if you didn’t understand a single word I wrote or you just didn’t like my suggestions, always always communicate. No matter what life brings you, speaking will solve the majority of your problems. Doesn’t matter if it’s job-related, in family gatherings, with friends or you’re just madly in love. Remember: others can read your mind. They don’t feel what you feel. You have to let them understand.
If you keep quiet, someone louder than you will make your dreams come true, but for you, for them.
Other’s opinions should not regulate how you speak, act and feel. That’s why communication is key.
Final breadcrumbs
In conclusion, emotional intelligence is a tough nut to crack. Nothing a little time and effort can’t improve. Practise it. Every. Single. Day. Even just for a few minutes. Eventually, you’ll build a habit. To break a habit is as hard as building one.
Be self-aware, regulate emotions, grasp people’s emotional cues and make them feel understood.
EQ will stop those 2 a.m. cycles of rethinking your arguments and regretting what you said. Instead, the wave of pride and serenity will hit you.
Motivating isn’t it?
“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” - Oscar Wilde, The picture of Dorian Gray
