Know It All: People Are The Superior Masters of Judgment
“Don’t judge a book by its cover”. Yet everyone is still judging everything around them. So stop caring.
“Don’t judge a book by its cover”. Yet everyone is still judging everything around them. So stop caring.
As of today, we are constantly surrounded by others’ opinions. Whether it’s social media, family, colleagues, friends or even strangers. And what is the common opinion? Judgment.
If you really think about it - we judge everything. That’s how we are made. For every bite of every food, we consider the texture, flavours, and colour. It’s an instinct to judge humans around us and mostly it’s negative. That’s why we need to filter out the judgement. In fact, the opinions of those who judge you are the ones you shouldn’t care about.
So, let’s dig into it - what is judgment, and why you shouldn’t care about it.
Meaning
The dictionary of Cambridge puts into two ways**: the ability to form valuable opinions and make good decisions.**
And: a decision or opinion about someone or something that you form after thinking carefully.
If you asked me, I would say judgment is the consequence of our values. We don’t like something? We will put it into our negative judgment pile. Something looks brilliant? To the positive judgment pile!
Even babies can judge stuff, for example, how far an object is from them.
How it forms
What is the process of its emergence? At first, we observe and perceive information. Everything we see, feel and hear. Then, we sort it out based on our values: past experiences, and how it made us feel, using simple logic and rational thinking. Our judgement is often affected by societal norms and stereotypes. So people’s opinions aren’t even their own. They’re unoriginal.
I’ll give you a real-life example, my own, instead of snacking on sugary sweets or pastries full of god knows what, I munch down on carrots, cucumbers, apples or cherry tomatoes. To me - as a person who values health and longevity - it seems normal, why? This is the source of energy that nature gave us, something that helps us to live longer and not mix up our hormones. Now, to people whose values are different - fast and accessible food, “bright” taste - I look crazy.
Another one is my lifestyle. Waking up early, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, taking vitamins and drinking a good amount of water a day. I’m not going to state the judgmental statements I get right now, but in about 40 years, when the same people will need help with walking around and doing basic stuff, me? I’ll be doing the splits and jumping around with my old, rusted body. A bit of hyperbolising won’t kill anybody, but you get the idea. When we get old, my life will be so much easier because right at this moment, I’m prioritising my health. It benefits me now, it will benefit me in the future.
Real-life example
A simple argument would be a pregnant woman. Two different types of them. The first one would be the one who doesn’t exercise at all, even before pregnancy, let alone during it. Before giving birth, she had an amazing body, what happened after? Belly pouch, saggy skin, cellulite, excess weight. What does that do to a person's mind? Chaos. That’s why a lot of women experience postpartum depression. Going through a lot of changes. Mentally and physically.
The latter would be a woman who exercises regularly. Before pregnancy and during it. What does her postpartum look like? After some time her body snaps back into place. Faster than the former’s does.
Judgement forms. On both sides. Their values simply don’t align. One judges the other for going to the gym during pregnancy and vice versa. Who is better? None. They both still judged.
Learning to emphasise is crucial in this judgemental world. No matter what your lifestyle is, if judgment is one of your sins, you’re just like them.
Don’t care
Now, some reason behind that would be that they may be judging you to feel better about themselves, not because they have any real insight into your life.
That applies to strangers. First of all, they have no idea who you are and what you do. Second of all, they have no idea what you went through and the effort you put in. Yet, despite this lack of knowledge, they are quick to pass judgment.
A person who has never walked a day in your shoes cannot fully understand the way you live. Whether it’s your career choices, relationships, success, or failures. It’s easy to judge on what you see from the surface. The reality is that even your closest friends don’t know the full story of your life, they have no idea what’s going on in your head and what caused your behaviour.
The top main things
Judgment Often Comes from Insecurity - would a secure confident person give you back-handed compliments and judge you? Not really, even if they did give you their opinion, it would be feedback - critique, for your own benefit. And even then, you need to sit down and sort through it. Analyse everything and find if it’s really what you need.
Judgment Is a Reflection of Their Own Beliefs, Not Yours - as I said, judgment is based on our values and what we believe.
You Can’t Control What Others Think - even if you try your hardest to prove others wrong, there’s no way you’ll change their thinking. It’s like trying to win an argument even when you know you are right. It’s the way you choose to approach it.
The takeaway
At the end of the day, you cannot control what others think or say about you. People will think, they will judge, they will speak. The only person you should be proving wrong - is you. Choose to focus on what you can control. There are so many opportunities for us people to get better, to shape our own lives and opinions, the way we view things. If you let go of judgment, you’ll gain your freedom and peace of mind. You’ll find your zen, your purpose.
So, are you willing to stop caring about others’ opinions? Do you have what it takes?
“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”― Shannon L. Alder
“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.”― J. Krishnamurti
“People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves.”― Albert Camus
