The importance of emotional intelligence in relationships

It is our choice to learn and grow. Emotional intelligence is one of them. Believe it or not, it is also crucial to building strong, intimate relationships.

In order to unravel the knots of difficulties in relationships, we need to learn how to. It is not something that comes naturally.

What even is that?

I explained EQ about a month ago, if you're late to the game. →https://www.serevile.com/is-eq-really-important . A quick recap to not waste your time: Emotional intelligence helps us understand one’s feelings and others’ emotions. It also plays a role in managing said emotions.

There are four main points:(1) self-awareness, (2) self-regulation, (3)social awareness, (4)empathy.

(1) You recognise what you’re feeling and how it affects you;(2) instead of acting out, you control yourself; (3) communicate with those around you; (4) validate not only your emotions but of those around you.

Emotional intelligence is not only a crucial part in building strong relationships with others, it also helps you feel better. It helps to build a stronger relationship with yourself. Because in the end, the one loyal pal is you.

Why do masses fail?

Lack of communication, understanding and control is what destroys our happiness. Often, people think: “I’m not going to tell her/him that because they’re supposed to know”. Well, guess what? They don’t. Just a tad bit of communication could’ve saved our nation from bickering, arguing and filing for divorce.

Even if we do communicate, sometimes we fail to understand. Failing to rationalise what our loved one is feeling. They are human, too. Just like you, just like me. We all are going to make mistakes, but it is our choice to choose how to react.

Acting out in anger is a common loss of control. Trying to stop for a few seconds, thinking, communicating and then acting is what could save a lot of bonds.

Let’s get to it

How to adapt it relationships?

Self-awareness: helps you become mindful, positive and understand your position. You prepare yourself for further actions.

Practise: active listening, journaling and gratitude.

Self-regulation: control how you act and respond. Sometimes, changing a few words, the placement of them, or your tone can change the outcome of your argument.

Practise: recognise your thoughts, accept them, and think about how you can properly express them. You always have a choice in how you react. Better be safe than sorry.

Social awareness: by validating your partner’s emotions, you create a safe space for them to communicate. By catching emotional cues, you can help them open up even more.

Practise: people-watching, analysing body language and emotional cues. Also, control your facial expressions. Something the face you stayed silent with is worse than your words.

Empathy: validate your partner’s feelings. Have compassion.

Practise: try to view the situation through their point of view, understand them better. Even when their understanding doesn’t align with yours, try to be supportive.

Step by step

For example, you and your partner have a finance managing argument.

(1) You recognise your frustration and irritation. Reflect why you feel this way. Maybe your significant other isn’t hearing you out, or is it the fear of financial difficulties?

(2) The urge to raise your voice grows. Stop for a moment and take a few deep breaths in. Don’t act on impulse. Instead of cussing them out, you say, “ I feel like you are not listening to me. Can you please just hear me out?”. Calmly explain your concerns.

(3) You observe that your significant other is fidgeting, avoiding eye contact or clenching their jaw, indicating that they feel uncomfortable or defensive. Let them know that it’s okay and make them feel heard, too.

(4) When your partner starts to open up and explain what they’re worried about, put yourself in their shoes. Reassure them by saying, “ This is hard for the both of us. But we are a team, and we’ll get through this together. Let’s create a plan that will make us both feel secure moving forward.”

Wrap up

These tips may sound or look cringe, but they will surely transform your relationship.

Even though it will be hard and you’ll fail to control yourself or catch on to your partners’ emotional cues, practise makes perfect. Nobody is born knowing how to do something; we all learn. But it is your choice whether you’ll fail or succeed.

If you truly love someone, you as a team will get through everything - arguments, bickering, flaws, forgotten anniversaries or financial difficulties. Love is not about staying with them on sunny days, love is when you stay with them through storms, hurricanes and earthquakes. It is when you learn to love his/hers flaws and turn them into your favourite thing about them.

In order to do that, EQ is where you should start.

Lastly

Emotional intelligence is a main pillar in relationships. Self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and empathy are the four main pillars of **EQ. Nothing comes naturally(well, feelings do). If you want something to last, firstly, you’ll have to build it and just then maintain it.

Imagine it like a car. Fuel is Emotional Intelligence, wheels are your partner, and you are the body/shell. Without one or the other, the car is unable to move. But if you stop upgrading the wheels or the shell, its performance will gradually go down.

So remember, it takes two to tango.

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.” -Lisa Kleypas